Impasse
by rosyle
Summary: “I might not have known the fate of my parents, but at least I helped others to know theirs “ Oneshot – Brennan POV


**Title:** Impasse  
**Author**: rosyle **  
Pairing:** Brennan/ some thought about B/B  
**Rating:** K/ PG  
**Summary:** "I might not have known the fate of my parents, but at least I helped others to know theirs " (Oneshot – Brennan POV)  
**Spoilers:** Everything from the "Pilot" through Season 2. If you haven't seen "Woman in Limbo" yet, I'd rent it on DVD, then come back and read this after watching :)  
**Disclaimer:** I don't own Bones or the characters (even though I wish I did).  
**Notes:** I was actually in the middle of writing another story, when my muse decided to start tapping me on the shoulder and told me to write this one. Thanks again to my beta, Ree, for being patient while I do 30,000 things at once. I really need to stop multitasking!

----------------------------------------------------------------

My name is Dr. Temperance Brennan. I am a Forensic Anthropologist and I work at the Jeffersonian Institute in Washington, D.C. Occasionally, I have to remind myself of this so that I don't feel like my entire life is a lie.

I had a pretty normal childhood – Mom, Dad, my older brother Russ and myself – but right before Christmas of 1991 my life changed forever. My parents had gone out Christmas shopping one afternoon and never returned.

This is what drove me to become a Forensic Anthropologist. For the longest time, I never knew what happened to my parents and I didn't want others to have to suffer the same fate. Granted, they say what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. In fact, it most definitely did. But, at the same time, I wonder what my life would have been like if things had been different. What if my parents never disappeared? What if I was never put into foster care? What if I had been closer to my brother? Would I still be the person I am today?

Over time I found that throwing myself into my work made the pain easier to deal with. Trekking through Tibet, going on digs to identify victims of genocide and identifying bones from mass graves in Guatemala were my ways of coping. I might not have known the fate of my parents, but at least I helped others to know theirs. I can give them the voice they lost when their lives were taken.

But everything changed once I met a man named Jessie Kane. His father had disappeared five years prior during a trip to his cottage in Virginia Beach. Instead of sitting back and letting the authorities deal with it, he became something of a vigilante for the cause. I had always thought that the Detectives in charge of my parents' case had done everything they could do, but once I showed the file to Jesse, I realized there were many things left undiscovered. So many leads never investigated. This prompted me to show the file to Booth.

Becoming partners with Booth has probably been one of the best things that could have happened to me. Of course I'll never tell him that. We bicker to no end and he can be the biggest ass I know, but when push comes to shove, I know that he's always there for me no matter what. He's given me the chance to experience so many things that I would never have been able to otherwise. Since my career is predominately made up of lab work, that's where my work has kept me. He helped me to "take off my lab coat" and get into the outside world. Both literally and figuratively, with a little prodding from me, of course. His boss, Agent Cullen, wasn't thrilled by the idea, but instead of simply abiding by his wishes, Booth lobbied for me. That meant more to me than he'll ever know.

I have never been one to ask for help from anyone. When everyone I ever loved disappointed me, I learned that the only person I'd ever be able to depend on is me. However, I knew that asking Booth for his help was the only way that I'd be able to get the answers that I so desperately wanted. As much as I tried to deny it, those nagging question were always in the back of my mind – Why had my parents left me? Was it something I had done? Booth had said he'd look into it for me. I know he could tell how hard it was for me to come to him, and I appreciated that he never made me feel weak for doing so.

Then it happened.

There was a short lull in FBI cases, so we decided to get back to what we do best, identifying remains that were kept in storage at the Jeffersonian, what Zack likes to refer to as "Limbo". He had just finished placing the markers and wanted to be sure that they were right. That next moment has been seared into my memory forever. Angela started inputting the data into the Angelator and less than a minute later a face appeared. The woman staring back looked identical to Christine Brennan, my mother. I remember asking Zack for the belongings and running to my office. I refused to believe that my mother was dead and that her remains had been at the Jeffersonian this entire time. It wasn't until I saw the dolphin belt buckle that it started to sink in. At that moment, so many emotions I had repressed for years came rushing back and I broke down.

The following few weeks became a blur. I discovered that my parents were fugitives, not just the school teacher and bookkeeper I believed them to be, and my father was still alive, but worse of all, I wasn't who I thought I was. My name wasn't Temperance Brennan. It was Joy. Joy Keenan.

I had been dating David for a few months, but in light of the most recent revelations, I knew that I wasn't ready to open up to him fully. I wasn't ready to trust him enough to let him see me at my most vulnerable. Instead of telling him the truth, I told him that things were getting too serious and I wasn't ready for a relationship of that stature at that point in my life. I rambled on about how it affected my work and my judgment and that there was too much at stake to proceed any further with things. He was a great guy but I know that he deserved better than what I could offer him. As I turned to walk out the door, David said one thing to me, "I hope he makes you happy." I still don't know what he meant by that.

Angela is my best friend. She might not be the most conventional in her methods of dispensing advice, but she always has good intentions. She has always been the one person I could confide in about anything. Most of the time, we'd wind up having a few drinks at a bar so that I could forget about the dilemma at hand and let loose a bit. As appealing as it sounded, though, I didn't want to forget. This was a pain I needed to feel. There was only one person I know that would be able to understand that. Booth.

No matter how much I tried to push him away, he never gave up. On me or on my parents case. He was there for me when I needed him - late at night with Wong Foo's in hand, investigating the avenues that other people overlooked and helping to reunite me with my brother. I knew that there was nothing that he wouldn't do to find the truth. Even now, after all these months, he still jumps at any possible leads he comes up with regarding my father and puts aside whatever else he's working on. I know my father's still out there. I know that I need to find him. And I have enough trust and faith in Booth to know that eventually we will.

Our relationship has always been undefined. We're partners and friends, but there are these moments we have that are like nothing I've ever experienced with another human being. We can have full conversations just by looking into each other's eyes. I might not know people, but I know him and vice-versa. He knows me better than anyone I've ever known, including past boyfriends, which is what frightens me the most sometimes. I've worked so hard at building up my walls, that I almost forget what it means to trust. Even when we've been involved with other people, we've always been there for each other. He is the one constant that I've had and I wouldn't want us to jeopardize that by giving into our biological urges. We've come to an implicit understanding that anything beyond friendship would be a mistake, which is why I was surprised when he didn't mention to me that he was with Cam. He said he didn't want things to get 'weird' between us. It's not a big secret that Cam and I don't exactly see eye to eye, even though on more than one occasion she has defended the team. But, like Alpha males, I believe that we're just both strong-willed females who are after the same thing, but have very different methods used to accomplish our objectives.

Booth was right though. It has made things a bit weird but I'm not sure exactly why. When he tried to give me a hug the other day in my office, I initially rebuffed him, which is something I'd never done to him before. Maybe, subconsciously, I was worried that Cam would get the wrong idea, which would just increase the tension in the office? This is why I hate psychology. Why should things change between us, just because Booth and Cam are together? I want him to be happy, really I do. I just wish that he would have decided to date someone other than my boss.

There are some days that I'll just sit and think about everything that has happened. While I'm happy that I finally have some closure about what happened to my parents, there are still so many things that I don't know and still more that I don't think I ever will. Sometimes I wonder if I was different when I was Joy Keenan. Was I happier back then? Was I more open to things? I wonder if my parents chose "Temperance" as my new identity for a reason. Ironically, Temperance, by definition, means "moderation or self-restraint in action, statement, etc.; self-control." Was it fated that I would turn out the way I did? Will my temperance help me find the truth about my past? Will it help get me through this impasse? I never used to believe in fate or faith, but slowly I'm starting to realize that maybe there are some things that can't be explained by science or logic alone. There are some things, or people, that you just have to blindly trust and follow, knowing that in the end you'll be okay and right now, for me, that's enough.


End file.
